Decisions, Decisions

So here's the deal:
I don't know anymore.
I have always been so decisive and sure of everything. I thought I had it all planned out, I was going to get my BA in biology, then MAT in education, go into the Peace Corps, come home and get married and settled in my career, have about 5 kids and call it good. This has been a struggle for me this year and I don't know why. Maybe it's God's way of saying, "I'm in control, not you." Thanks, God. But it's been weighing on my heart a lot lately and I need some clarity.

Things I'm unsure about:
My major- I don't like (maybe even hate) my science classes this semester...but what else would I do?
My church- ELCA? yeah....that's all. (really, I'm just that confused)
My relationships- I feel alone, all the time. My best friend is gone, the others have their own relationships...and we are all so busy with classes/work/other things we're losing touch.

Things I think I'm sure about:
I want to stay at ISU.
I want to be a teacher.
I want a family.

Stay tuned next time for "Pressure Points"

How I Wish You Could See the Potential

See the potential of you and me.
It's like a book elegantly bound,
but in a language that you can't read, just yet.

Those words mean so much more than mere words on a page.
I see the potential, I feel what's happening.
But it's easy for me, I'm ready.
You're not. That's okay.
When the time is right, you'll understand too.
God's got it all worked out- His elegantly bound book.
It's not for our eyes to see...just yet.

I have never been a patient person, but I am growing.
I can wait, I've been waiting for over a year now!
I can't do the back and forth, wondering what's going to happen the next day, or the day after, or the day after that...
That- I can not do.
How do I end up in this situation over and over again?
I can get any creeper off the street to fall in love with me in three days.
Believe me, I've got proof!
But I can't seem to hold onto the one's I want.
They can play the "it's not you it's me" card all they want...I don't believe you.
"I'm not ready for a relationship"
I can't tell you how many times I've heard those words.
Is it a cop out?
I don't know...it works on me though.

This is how I get hurt.
I am more concerned about everyone else's feelings.
I don't worry about my own.
I figure- I've had enough pain in my life that I'm used to it- I don't want anyone else to feel that.
So I take it all upon myself, to ensure that those around me are happy.
Someday, someone will fight for me.
Someday, someone will protect me.
Someday, someone will guard my heart.

I wish someday would be today.
I'm praying, seeking, reading.
All that's left to do is listen.

The Lightning Strike

I think it's happening.
I'm beginning to understand.

I feel like I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, for the first time in a very very long time.
I'm with good people, leading good things, making good decisions.
I was going to say "right people...right things...right decisions."
I don't necessarily know if they are right, but they are definitely good.

He has lead me here for a reason.
I'm getting it.
I love my community: residential and spiritual
I am happy, finally!

However, I need to do more.
God time. Studying. Bible reading. Writing. Fellowship.
I won't settle on anything less.
I know what I want, that much is clear.
I have a plan- that will never work out.
That's okay, because His plan it better.
Much better:)