How I Wish You Could See the Potential

See the potential of you and me.
It's like a book elegantly bound,
but in a language that you can't read, just yet.

Those words mean so much more than mere words on a page.
I see the potential, I feel what's happening.
But it's easy for me, I'm ready.
You're not. That's okay.
When the time is right, you'll understand too.
God's got it all worked out- His elegantly bound book.
It's not for our eyes to see...just yet.

I have never been a patient person, but I am growing.
I can wait, I've been waiting for over a year now!
I can't do the back and forth, wondering what's going to happen the next day, or the day after, or the day after that...
That- I can not do.
How do I end up in this situation over and over again?
I can get any creeper off the street to fall in love with me in three days.
Believe me, I've got proof!
But I can't seem to hold onto the one's I want.
They can play the "it's not you it's me" card all they want...I don't believe you.
"I'm not ready for a relationship"
I can't tell you how many times I've heard those words.
Is it a cop out?
I don't know...it works on me though.

This is how I get hurt.
I am more concerned about everyone else's feelings.
I don't worry about my own.
I figure- I've had enough pain in my life that I'm used to it- I don't want anyone else to feel that.
So I take it all upon myself, to ensure that those around me are happy.
Someday, someone will fight for me.
Someday, someone will protect me.
Someday, someone will guard my heart.

I wish someday would be today.
I'm praying, seeking, reading.
All that's left to do is listen.

The Lightning Strike

I think it's happening.
I'm beginning to understand.

I feel like I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, for the first time in a very very long time.
I'm with good people, leading good things, making good decisions.
I was going to say "right people...right things...right decisions."
I don't necessarily know if they are right, but they are definitely good.

He has lead me here for a reason.
I'm getting it.
I love my community: residential and spiritual
I am happy, finally!

However, I need to do more.
God time. Studying. Bible reading. Writing. Fellowship.
I won't settle on anything less.
I know what I want, that much is clear.
I have a plan- that will never work out.
That's okay, because His plan it better.
Much better:)

That's Not My Name

In training we talked about all the vulgar and inappropriate names people call each other and that they're unacceptable. And I thought to myself, "those are terrible and disgusting." But then I thought, "there are some names that people call me that are quite mild and common but annoy me as much as being call some of those vulgar terms." So here's my list, concider yourself warned.

Don't call me:
Red
Hannah Banana
Hannah Montana
Popet
Carrot top
Fire
thatonenastynicknameforredheads (firecrotch)

My family and only my family may call me:
Hanny
Hanoi
Hurricane Hannah
Na Na
Nanners
Mable
Pumpkinhead

My friends, and only my friends may call me:
Hona
Ginger
HJ
ZJ* (just Keaton)

Only that one guy can call me:
Hannah Bear

That's not my name...

My name is Hannah.
Use it.

God's Plan

I would absolutely love if God would just email me all the answers.
I don't even need all of them, just a couple would be nice.
I'm not sure about a few things right now.

This is what I know:
I'm in the right place
I'm with the right people

This is what I feeled called to do:
Get married
Be a mother (someday)
Teach
Care for those you can't
Lead

If you haven't noticed, the things I feel sure about are very vague...
I need Him to let me in on the details.
Need is probably the wrong word, desire is more like it.

Sorry I haven't been writing much lately, but the last couple weeks have been a crazy whirlwind with moving and training and work. It's been exhausting but very worth the effort.

Clear as Mud

Alright, well as many of you read a different meaning into my last post than I intended, I think it only right to make a few point more clear:

First and foremost-that was the happiest blog I have written yet.
The song lyrics that comprise the first two paragraphs are all about getting over things in the past so that you can enjoy and live in the here and now.
'there is no point in living in the past with that unhappiness' does not mean "there is no point in living because I'm unhappy"
Rather it means "there is no point in living in the past" (because it was unhappy).

Basically, I was using the wise words of The Starting Line to explain that I have been holding onto things in the past that were painful and it has held me back from fulling living in the present.
But I won't make that mistake again.
And I am very glad to report that lately I have been glowing with happiness I haven't felt in quite some time!

I'm loving life and all those around me :)

Please comment with anymore questions/concerns.

Cut! Print It

So I guess I'll cut my losses cuz I lost a lot
I guess I'll quit complaining and I'll starting walking it off
Because there is no point in living in a past with that unhappiness
Consider it a promise we both broke
Consider it mistakes on both our parts

Cause this is closure once and for all
Oh, this has to stop right now
Cause I've been running for my life
And you could never catch me now


I'm feeling stronger than I have in a long time
I'm more motivated and determined than ever
And I won't settle for less than I deserve.
Thanks old friend- TSL ;)

Moving On

I have shed my last tear for you.
I promise. Goodbye.

I'm ready to...
move on
be a part of something bigger
try new things
get back to living
get back to loving
get back to being me

I have missed 'me'
But I think I'm back
and nothing is going to knock me down like that again.
I won't let it.