That's Not My Name

In training we talked about all the vulgar and inappropriate names people call each other and that they're unacceptable. And I thought to myself, "those are terrible and disgusting." But then I thought, "there are some names that people call me that are quite mild and common but annoy me as much as being call some of those vulgar terms." So here's my list, concider yourself warned.

Don't call me:
Red
Hannah Banana
Hannah Montana
Popet
Carrot top
Fire
thatonenastynicknameforredheads (firecrotch)

My family and only my family may call me:
Hanny
Hanoi
Hurricane Hannah
Na Na
Nanners
Mable
Pumpkinhead

My friends, and only my friends may call me:
Hona
Ginger
HJ
ZJ* (just Keaton)

Only that one guy can call me:
Hannah Bear

That's not my name...

My name is Hannah.
Use it.

God's Plan

I would absolutely love if God would just email me all the answers.
I don't even need all of them, just a couple would be nice.
I'm not sure about a few things right now.

This is what I know:
I'm in the right place
I'm with the right people

This is what I feeled called to do:
Get married
Be a mother (someday)
Teach
Care for those you can't
Lead

If you haven't noticed, the things I feel sure about are very vague...
I need Him to let me in on the details.
Need is probably the wrong word, desire is more like it.

Sorry I haven't been writing much lately, but the last couple weeks have been a crazy whirlwind with moving and training and work. It's been exhausting but very worth the effort.

Clear as Mud

Alright, well as many of you read a different meaning into my last post than I intended, I think it only right to make a few point more clear:

First and foremost-that was the happiest blog I have written yet.
The song lyrics that comprise the first two paragraphs are all about getting over things in the past so that you can enjoy and live in the here and now.
'there is no point in living in the past with that unhappiness' does not mean "there is no point in living because I'm unhappy"
Rather it means "there is no point in living in the past" (because it was unhappy).

Basically, I was using the wise words of The Starting Line to explain that I have been holding onto things in the past that were painful and it has held me back from fulling living in the present.
But I won't make that mistake again.
And I am very glad to report that lately I have been glowing with happiness I haven't felt in quite some time!

I'm loving life and all those around me :)

Please comment with anymore questions/concerns.

Cut! Print It

So I guess I'll cut my losses cuz I lost a lot
I guess I'll quit complaining and I'll starting walking it off
Because there is no point in living in a past with that unhappiness
Consider it a promise we both broke
Consider it mistakes on both our parts

Cause this is closure once and for all
Oh, this has to stop right now
Cause I've been running for my life
And you could never catch me now


I'm feeling stronger than I have in a long time
I'm more motivated and determined than ever
And I won't settle for less than I deserve.
Thanks old friend- TSL ;)

Moving On

I have shed my last tear for you.
I promise. Goodbye.

I'm ready to...
move on
be a part of something bigger
try new things
get back to living
get back to loving
get back to being me

I have missed 'me'
But I think I'm back
and nothing is going to knock me down like that again.
I won't let it.

I Don't Have Anything to Hide, I Don't Have Anything. Everything is Not for Certain

God has a plan.
I hope so, because none of mine are working out.

I need more than this.
I'm tired of no one caring,
not "no one" but not the "right" people.
I want my dad to care. I want you to care.
I want to care.

I've been alone for too long.
When I'm with people, I want to be alone.
When I'm alone, I want to be with people.
I'm too much, I'm not enough.

I want to feel close to something again.
I know that has to start with Him.
I know He's there, and I need to come to Him more often.
The closer I am with Him, the closer I can be to all of you.

Why?
Why am I like this all the time lately?
Why do I over analyze everything?
Why do I need others so much?
Why don't I just get over it?
Why do I hang on to the past?
Why?

Sometimes I Feel Like A Fatherless Child

So today my dad didn't even speak or look at me until about 5:30. At which point he said, "Well I guess I have to take you out for your birthday." So we went to dinner, during which he informed me that he wasn't getting me anything and forgot to grab a card but he needs me to get him sandpaper for free from 3M since I work there now.

Thanks Dad. This is so typical you.

I really don't mean to sound childish or selfish or greedy, it's just that this is how my dad treats us and I am so sick of it! It's not that I wanted presents and fancy things, I just want him to act like he cares...that seems like a lot.